Situationship Culture is Draining You

I’ve had my share of situationships. Not many but enough. I’ve done the whole that’s my man but that’s not really my man ordeal and I’m telling you girl its not worth it. The last situation I was in ended because he blocked me, and it was like a blow to the head. Bruised my ego and my feelings real quick. I found myself texting and calling and reaching out even after I knew that he wasn’t interested in me anymore and that is one of the effects of a situationship. It clouds your judgment; it bonds you to people that ultimately view you as less than trash. I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with myself.

Why was I so pressed to have sex with someone.

That’s all it was, Sex. Think about it, are you getting everything you need from that man emotionally, intimately, and mentally?

The answer is no, and you know it. I know that because I have experienced it.

Low self esteem and confidence are both side effects and triggers for a situationship. I don’t have to go in depth on those two because you know subconsciously if you suffer with those two things. If you need me to let me know and I'll write a segment on that by itself. When you aren’t showing up for yourself and loving yourself fully you will start to try to search for that love in others. Society has confused sex with love. The main reason for this is because when women have sex with a man, we release oxytocin. Oxytocin in the love hormone that is released when we have children, have sex and breastfeed our children. Unfortunately for us when we have sex with a man our bodies release more oxytocin than they do. Meaning our bonds are stronger than theirs because they aren’t releasing as much of that love hormone as we do. We view them as our favorite people in the world and he views us as his favorite ice cram flavor.

Nothing is wrong with ice cream, but we all know nobody is eating ice cream every day.

This analogy is necessary because if you think about it, the only time he’s happiest is when you’re on your back with your legs in the air. Don’t allow that to become your standard.

Are you not worthy of a man who loves you wholeheartedly?

Are you not worthy of commitment?

Are you not worth connection and friendship?

The main reason I have decided to leave situationships in the past is because when you have children the outcome is messy!! When there’s no solid relationship and foundation with a man there’s usually no goal or direction either. Bringing a child into that complicated mess is unfair and selfish. This is coming from a woman that did just that. My child’s father and I were broken up for a few months, but still having sex and ended up having a baby. The outcome I’m dealing with today is what I want other young girls to steer clear of. There is no glory in raising a child in a broken home.

There is no glory in raising a child alone.

We know that the chances of that child being great and successful go down when there is no father present. Now we can’t control if that man is there or not. We also know we can’t control who he is after that baby is here. What we can control is, who we have kids with.

We must build solid relationships with black men.

That involves vetting them, getting to know their family, getting to know how they were raised, what they believe in and seeing red flags for what they are.

When the red flags do appear, RUN.

We as women spend so much time with men trying to change them or hoping itll be different and in most cases that’s just not going to happen!!

Learn from my mistakes. Don’t do that to yourself.